the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
