Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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