you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
