We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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