bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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