tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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