the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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