Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
