false alarm. still invincible.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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