Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
