That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
