it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
