She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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