bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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