I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
