Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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