yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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