Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
