it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
