she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ttyl tear gas
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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