well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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