I think my vagina is haunted
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
