started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
