At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
