I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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