My sheets look like a crime scene.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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