a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
