i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
