i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
