Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
