at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
