He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
