No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
