Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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