I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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