Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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