Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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