I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
