I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
