wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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