I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
