This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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