I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize