I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
