i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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