Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
