How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
