I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
