I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
