You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
