guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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