so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
