He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
