If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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