I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
