I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
