Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
