I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
